Monday, October 7, 2013

Kill Bill, Vol. 2

Don't feel bad if you missed Kill Bill Volume 1. So did we. We found someone claiming to be a mobile goat butcher on Craigslist. She responded to this ad in the "gigs offered" section:

I bought a goat a few weeks ago, and he is really starting to smell. I can't even open my windows any more. Speaking of windows, I think it is only a matter of time before he breaks through them. He scares my children and tries to rub his disgusting urine crusted face all over us anytime we are outside. I don't know anything about goats, clearly. Maybe you do? I prefer butchery, but if by chance there is a mobile goat castrator reading this, please do respond. You must be mobile because there is no way I am letting him in my car. Payment is negotiable. Now if the castration turns into butchery, I am not paying for both. Serious inquiries only. 

We planned our whole Sunday around it including trading off the kids with my parents to go to different Masses to be sure we didn't miss her 10am scheduled arrival. Turns out she was lying the whole time and never planned to come. What kind of person does that? A person with the phone number 479-never mind I won't do that. It felt like middle school all over again. Let this be a lesson, folks. When you start a homestead and get in over your head, and try to hire a mobile goat butcher/castrator on Craigslist, bad people will try to exploit your vulnerability for their own sick pleasure. I could see this being a country song or YouTube video.

So then began Kill Bill Volume 2. We posted a free goat ad:

Special offer today only. Good brush goat, tether-broke, no horns, great pet or great dinner. Pick up today only. Will not hold because I am tired of Craigslist flakes. 

The Perez family did not disappoint. God bless the Perez family. 

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